Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Final Post

It has been 6 weeks since daddy passed away, and a year and a half since I've updated the blog. Though, Karen has diligently and thankfully kept a beautiful account of it on her blog. To get completely updated, here's the link: Karen's Dr. Bob's Brain Blog
Daddy loved a good cigar!
I often couldn’t bring myself to write what was happening. Doing so would have made it more real, and honestly, the last year and a half of my dad’s life felt more like a constant dream state or alternate universe that I was watching as an outsider.

It’s still surreal that daddy is gone. The most intelligent, kind, loving, compassionate person I know, gone. There are so many people that I wish could have met him, so many people that will never know his wit and brilliance and loving heart.
Young Daddy
There isn’t a single day that goes by that I don’t break down and cry, wishing my dad were here. Wish I could see his smile and feel his arm squeeze me with the hug he gave me every time I saw him and the last time I saw him.

So many things have changed and shifted over the last year and a half. I want to remind everyone that I hate this cancer. I hate how it has stolen the person I love the most in the world. I feel like a part of me has faded away with his slow deterioration, literally like a part of my soul and being has been forever lost when Daddy took his final breathe. I hate how the essence of my dad, his smile, the way he looked at me like his heart would burst with love, and his brilliant mischievous mind was trapped in a body that was riddled with pain and immobility. When I got the rare moment of quietness that I got to lay my head on his shoulder and just be with my dad, he would whisper to me that we should dance. I agreed with him and would hold his hand and hum a tune that would be perfect for a waltz or foxtrot. He would tell me that he loves to dance with me and would close his eyes and smile.
Daddy and us circa '94
I cried. Often alone or with my face buried in his neck. Briefly. Before rebounding to try to be on full attention for everything else around me I was burying myself in.

I have always been a Dddy's girl
Dad has been so blessed in this past year. It's amazing how things work out. Last I wrote, we were still awaiting the arrival of baby Bobby in January 2017. The unraveling of his birth and timing of it all was so miraculous. Dad was at a pain management appointment in the building directly next to the women's hospital where Wendy was in labor with our sweet baby Bobby. We got the text that it was time to push when dad's appointment was rounding out. So, mom and Katherine took him to the Wendy's to eat a burger instead of having transportation pick them up. Just as they got back to the Women's Hospital, we got the word that Bobby was here and we could see him. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. Dad was in minimal pain, already out of the house, and directly where he needed to be to see his first grandson and his namesake directly after the birth.
Good old JC Penny picture

Baby Bobby has proven to be an absolute joy and blessing, as we all knew he would be. His infectious little giggle and the way he has a full (one sided) conversation with you makes your heart warm and happy. From what I remember Meme telling me about daddy as a little boy, Bobby may be following in his Opa's footsteps to a tee. He's so smart, curious, tenacious, and in a constant state of innocent wonder. He is one of the most coordinated little one year old's I've ever seen, which I'm sure will lead to plenty of climbing and exploratory encounters that will prematurely grey Marky and Wendy.

In addition to baby Bobby, we now have our sweet Charlotte. Daddy beat the doctor's assumption that he was close to his final breathe, twice, before Charlotte was born. Martin was an essential part in keeping Daddy alive while we were waiting for Charlotte's arrival, and afterward once again, before 
Thanksgiving before his Christmas Eve diagnosis
he passed away.  Their bond, though short, was miraculous. Charlotte was always calm in his presence, and still sleeps best for her naps in his bed.

There is no way to thank everyone for their outpouring of love and kindness. If there is one thing I have learned over dad's illness, its that he and mom have touched so many lives. It didn't matter what you looked like, believed in, how much money you did or didn't have, where you were from... there was never a stranger in my parent's house. We had visitors explicitly come to say their goodbye's from at least 9 states, Egypt, South Africa, Germany, and I'm sure more places I can't recall. He touched lives all over the world.

Mom and dad were inseparable, and their love for each other is one which any couple would aspire to. Their vows proved to be those which would hold fast. Through sickness and health. Mom never left his side, dad never had a bedsore despite having been in the bed almost for two years. There was never a question of her dedication and love. 
There was no questioning their love

Please make sure to watch Daddy's service. The accounts and the message are truly touching and a beautiful representation of who Daddy was. Daddy's service at 2PC

Also, please don't hesitate to email me your memories and stories of Daddy. None is insignificant in giving a full picture of who Daddy was. We are going to bind them together and make a book for the grandchildren to look back on and learn who their grandfather was. My email is

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